Need help with translation

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 13:20     Заголовок сообщения: Need help with translation

[ Last edited: 2015-07-11 17:45 ]

Hello my Russian-speaking friends!

Satshanti has stepped down from the translation team, so I'll try to fill his shoes, with BK's help.
I thought now would be a good time to translate a few untranslated sentences.

From races.txt


Most mages find Shadow Magic appalling - the strongest rituals often require either the blood or the sacrifice of intelligent creatures, yet this is completely acceptable to the Alvari.


Some reckless adepts have lost their mind, trying too hard to become one with the Shadows.


Their more cautious peers have eventually become cold, thrifty, and ruthless.


The unwavering conviction that only their ways can save the world justifies all crimes againt other schools of Magic.





Regards.

Последний раз редактировалось: Boon947 (Сб Июл 11, 2015 18:45), всего редактировалось 3 раз(а)

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 13:47     Заголовок сообщения:

Some of these sentences are grammatically incorrect. And in my opinion this is a poor style.
_________________
20.11.2009 - 24.02.2015

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 13:53     Заголовок сообщения:

From unit.txt





















Regards.

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 14:05     Заголовок сообщения:


Errr... I am but a lowly translator

Are you saying I should ignore some of these sentences?

(Remember, I can't read Russian.)
Perhaps the Russian community can rework the original text, and submit the changes to Jazz?

Regards.

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 14:49     Заголовок сообщения:

I'm just saying they are extremely poor style and definitely incorrect.
As for me, I'd like to rewrite this on my own and not bother about origin.

Just for fun I will try my best with close translation.



Many among the mages are astonished with both details of some rituals of the school of The Shadow (most powerful ones often demand life or blood sacrifice of intelligent creature) and overly calm attitude to this circumstance of alvares themself.

A bit rewritten:

Many among the mages are astonished with both cruel details of some rituals of the school of The Shadow and easygoing attitude to intelligent creature sacrifices of alvares themself.
_________________
20.11.2009 - 24.02.2015

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 16:35     Заголовок сообщения:


Am I picking up traces of... dissatisfaction?
What do you mean "rewrite this on my own"?
Do you mean privately and not shared with others?


This is my attempt:

Most mages find Shadow Magic appalling - the strongest rituals often require either the blood or the sacrifice of intelligent creatures, yet this is completely acceptable to the Alvari.

I'm on a roll, I will try the next few

Regards.

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 17:11     Заголовок сообщения: wut



This looks pretty nice.
Closer to the text these mages are just shocked with calmness of Alvari about some deviant and unorthodox aspects of Shadow Magic. Though there is nothing about evluation itself. It is just shocking.


Maybe 'on my own fashion'. I love all this english idioms, but obviously have troubles with usage. It is said in post-soviet that English is just about straight communication, not poetry and stuff, but idioms like 'fall in love' seem to me very deep and worthy to share.
_________________
20.11.2009 - 24.02.2015

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 19:05     Заголовок сообщения:

Can you give me the general idea in the last two sentences from races.txt
(My usual translators don't make a lot of sense.)
Doesn't have to be correct English, I just need to understand the underlying meaning.

Crushing blows united forces of other races could do away with them, but there was in the first months after sunrise luminaries led alliance, as a rule, the rulers of the elves quickly disintegrated.

This is largely due to the fact that it was in those days, suddenly there were numerous rumors of closely related peoples of elves and Alvaro leading to universal alienation and distrust of the elves.

Regards.

Добавлено: Сб Июл 11, 2015 21:38     Заголовок сообщения:

Heh, some of those are just plain erroneous, really. And aren't the best pieces of literature either.
Now those last ones:
Сокрушительные удары объединённых войск иных рас могли бы вовсе покончить с ними, но появившиеся в первые месяцы после восхода Светила альянсы, возглавляемые, как правило, правителями эльфов, очень быстро распались. Во многом это связано с тем, что именно в те времена вдруг появились многочисленные слухи о близком родстве народов эльфов и альваров, что привело к всеобщему отчуждению и недоверию к эльфам.
Combined forces of other races could have put an end to them altogether in a few decisive strikes, but the alliences forged in the first months after the sunrise by the elven rulers were quick to crumble. This was largely due to the sudden influx of compromising rumors of the close kinship of Elves and Alvari, that led other peoples to distrust and alienate the Elves.
Not a translation per se and wonky still, but whatever.
_________________
Phenomenal self as such is not an epistemically justified form of mental content.

Добавлено: Вс Июл 12, 2015 14:17     Заголовок сообщения:


I'm not sure I understand... The other races COULD have destroyed the Alvari, but in the end they didn't need to, because the Alvari could not unite their own people? And so they did not represent a danger to the other races?


The Elves are the "good" elves (light, forest, etc) and the Alvari are the "bad" elves (dark, underground, drow, etc) right??
That last sentence is saying that rumors of alliances between Elves and Alvari led other races to distrust even the good Elves?

Regards.

Добавлено: Вс Июл 12, 2015 15:51     Заголовок сообщения:

Elves are elves. The forest ones. Whether alvari are of elvish descent is actually not of common knowlege among other peoples of Eador. Elves, IIRC, deny it altogether.
As for history (IIRC again), when the sun dawned anew, a large number of different people, led by elves (the forest ones), wished to take vengence on the alvari for the atocricies commited under the cover of darkness. Alliences were forged, armies were marched back and forth, and some battles were fought, but in the end alvari retreated underground and turned the war to a standstill. Then, when everyone was really fed up with fighting, there were accusations against elves (the forest ones) who were allegedly just another part of the same people and used the whole anty-alvari effort to gain political power. From there, things went down pretty fast, and alvari, now far out of sight of surfacers, were left to themselves.
_________________
Phenomenal self as such is not an epistemically justified form of mental content.

Добавлено: Вс Июл 12, 2015 15:57     Заголовок сообщения:


No. Other races could not unite togeher against Alvari for enought time to get rid of them because:
1)These Unions were usually led by Elven chiefs.
2)Other races can not trust Elves in the battle against Alvari because of sudden influx of rummors that Elves and Alvari are blood related.
3)So Unions self-resolved very quickly/
_________________
все фигня, кроме пчел!

Добавлено: Вс Июл 12, 2015 20:05     Заголовок сообщения:


Did you pick up all that lore just from the game files, or did you read additional material, such as these books?
http://www.snowbirdgames.com/eador/books/?lang=en

(A pity they're only available in Russian.)

Regards.

Добавлено: Вс Июл 12, 2015 20:30     Заголовок сообщения:

I wrote the core tenets myself, actually. These parts were developed by Alklor and Irbis later, while I was busy with other works, but I kind of kept an ear on the whole process of the idea unfolding into the actual lore. Lost the train of thought later with all the additions and reworks and harmful interference, but I hope I can still guess reasonably well. In any case, my whole previous post can be written using info in the cited description as a whole and some basic filling-the-gaps educated guessing. The only moot point is the relation between elves and alvari, and I don't remember the answer either. Perhaps there is non.
_________________
Phenomenal self as such is not an epistemically justified form of mental content.

Добавлено: Пн Июл 13, 2015 12:11     Заголовок сообщения:

I have finished the 6 Alvari sentences. Please take a look and suggest improvement where necessary
(Side note: I don't like the fact that Alvari and Alkari are so close in spelling, I am considering renaming Alvari to Alvar, and Alkari to Alkaryl. Any objections?)


Most mages find Shadow Magic appalling - the most powerful rituals often require either the blood or the sacrifice of sentient creatures, yet this is completely acceptable to the Alvari.


Some reckless adepts have lost their mind, trying too hard to become one with the Shadows.


Their more cautious peers have eventually become cold, thrifty, and ruthless.


The unwavering conviction that only their ways can save the world justifies all crimes against other schools of Magic.


The other races united, hoping to crush the Alvari, but this Elven-lead alliance crumbled after a few months.


Rumors had started circulating that Elves and Alvari shared common ancestors, leading to widespread distrust of the Elves.


(Now moving on to unit.txt)

Regards.

Добавлено: Пн Июл 13, 2015 14:00     Заголовок сообщения:

Two more (Затронутый Смертью unit)


Nevertheless, the transformation did not diminish the power they held when they lived, thus it is very dangerous to disturb the peace of a dead wizard, whether intentionnally or accidentally.


And the long, practically eternal life, to which they so aspired, allows them to patiently hone their magic skills and learn powerful new spells.


One more for the road


Light and deadly - that's how those who have seen them describe Blade Dancers.


Regards.

Добавлено: Чт Июл 16, 2015 20:53     Заголовок сообщения:


In Russian they'r not so close in spelling and pronunciation)

Actually the meaning a bit differs. I'll try to write in simple sentences:
"Many mages are shocked by two things:
1) Details of the most powerful Shadow Magic rituals ('cause they often require either the blood or the sacrifice of sentient creatures) and
2) So calm attitude of Alvari to this fact."

Some reckless adepts have lost their mind, spending too much time in unity with the Shadows.

In fact there were several alliances, most of them were Elven-leaded, and all crumbled quickly
_________________
все фигня, кроме пчел!

Добавлено: Чт Июл 16, 2015 20:58     Заголовок сообщения:


Well done.
_________________
20.11.2009 - 24.02.2015

Добавлено: Пт Июл 17, 2015 11:45     Заголовок сообщения:

After a few days translating, I can feel the quality of my work diminishing ;-(

А ещё такой гнолл всегда бьёт первым, иногда даже на слова не разменивается. И его удар вполне себе ощутим.

He always strikes first, wasting no time on diplomacy. And it is quite the blow.

Only one unit left... phew!